You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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