Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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