I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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