what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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