It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
