The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
