I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
