I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
