last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize