3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize