It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
