3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
