just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
