mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
