I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
