So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize