you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
