Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's official drugs can't kill me
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You pole danced in your parka.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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