super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize