god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
