sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize