saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
