I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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