You made me cry and you don't even care
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize