i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
In America we eat man semen.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
