WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
