we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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