Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
