i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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