i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize