Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
