dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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