Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
