Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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