problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
