My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
