Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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