It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
