We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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