sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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