you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
