Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
