doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
