I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
