New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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