I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize