Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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