just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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