dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I didn't notice because vodka
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
