then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
