porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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