You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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