Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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