She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
