maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Can Purell be used as lube?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
