walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We're too hungover to prance.
Sext me about skeletons
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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