Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
