exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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