I hate your face
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
