My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
