Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
